My Caffeinated Memoirs

An essay by RJ Corradino

“…but it’s in your blood, honey. You see me drink it all the time. And since the time I was three or four years old, my grandmother would have the truck come and bring four, five cases of Coke to the house. Every week.” –Christina Corradino, my grandmother

Some months ago, I awoke with a terrible headache and stiff neck. Knowing that stimulants could cause such ailments, it seemed a wise idea to skip my normal caffeine rituals that day. I had already gone a weekend without a fix, just by accident. I could go another day. For several hours, I competed with pain in my head, neck, and shoulders, along with a growing craving for a certain caramel-colored, carbonated beverage.

I survived until 5:30 that evening, when my headache started to get worse. It seemed it wasn’t a ‘hopped up’ headache, so I decided there was no harm in giving in to my urge. It sounds like a very thoughtful decision when I word it that way. A better way of saying it: I caved. I took a can of Coca-Cola Classic, and admired its shimmering red, metallic finish for a moment. I cracked its top and stole a sip - which soon became a series of greedy, slurping gulps. My headache dissolved in minutes.

That was a red flag for me. That made me wonder if I was enjoying this for more than the taste. It seemed I got a headache from abstaining from it - that sounded like a dependency. That worried me, and I decided to try giving up caffeine.

It seems a bit silly in retrospect. Caffeine never dominated my life - it was always just a habit. In the mornings, I’d always sip some herbal, caffeinated tea while I listened to some soothing music - Fresh Cream or Led Zeppelin II . What was more important to me, was the Coke I’d drink after lunch while I watched reruns of MASH.

Let me tell you a bit about my taste in Coke - I’m very particular about all this. I drink from the can with a straw. Doing otherwise will subtly change the amount of fizz, and this is intolerable. Pouring a Coke over ice is completely unethical. It becomes watered down - the natural balance that perfects this special drink is destroyed. There is no turning back. I don’t care if your ice is crushed, cubed, or ring shaped — the moment your Coke makes contact, its flavor will be demolished. I despise vending machines — the ones that drop the paper cup and fill it with a beverage and ice. These go against every Coke principal that I hold dear. The soda in these contraptions has never touched a can, and the infamous no-ice button never works (or, if it does work you’re given 1/3 of a glass). Making things worse, these machines disrupt the delicate Coca-Cola balance by mishandling the syrup/fizz/water ratios. I’ve yet to see one of these come close to making a good drink - any drink, let alone a delicately-flavored masterpiece like Coke.

You see, Coca-Cola is nothing if not a balance. The carbonation is a natural ally to the cool temperature of a refrigerated can. The soothing, metallic bitterness of the caffeine sits juxtaposed to the almost sickening sweet syrup. If you leave a can unattended - which I often do - some mystic changes unfold. The soda warms in perfect harmony with the loss of fizz. As this happens, the subtle flavors come forward. It almost seems like a metaphor for life - although I can’t fathom what it may mean. At any rate, it tastes surprisingly wonderful.

This is what I’d do with the can I’d opened after lunch. I’d drink almost half of it, and then let it stand for a few hours. I’d sip at it, but only periodically. It was always fun to note the subtle taste changes as it grew warm and flat. At 11:00, I’d sit down to do my writing. I’d nurse whatever remained of that same can - usually a fair amount - and let my caffeine infused blood stimulate my creativity.

So, I see now that my habit was not very strong - only a can and some tea each day. Half the time, the tea wasn’t even caffeinated. Still, I felt moved to give it up.

Tea was easy to drop. I found decaff tea tasted better to me. It lacked the unpleasant rusty metal flavor that caffeine carries. Coca-Cola was hard to replace - it seemed to rely on that bitter taste, it was part of the balance. I tried caffeine-free Coke. My theory was correct - this was much too sweet. After stumbling back into my Coke habit three times, I tried quitting again with ginger ale as a pinch hitter for Coke. This was the longest I lasted - almost two months without a single sip of Coke.

At that time, my desires were getting out of hand. I needed a fix. I didn’t care if it was caffienated. I just needed a Coke. I needed a caramel colored, carbonated beverage in a red can. I had a revelation: Dr Pepper. It had the flavor I needed - I knew it did. And I didn’t think it had caffeine. I bought a case.

My spirit collapsed when I read the ingredients: Water, sugar, sugar, more sugar, caramel coloring, caffeine.

I did some soul searching that day. I realized how little soda I really drank - compared to some people. I realized that all that time, I had been eating chocolate without even blinking. I never did give up caffeine. I also discovered that caffeine was a natural pain killer - which was why it defeated my headache. It had nothing to do with ‘dependency’.

After a little thought (rationalization?), I was happy to re-begin indulging my addiction. All great writers need vices, don’t they? At least mine is legal.

I cracked the can and drank of it.

Dr Pepper is still making me a new and better man.

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Copyright © 1998-2008 Estate of RJ Corradino
All rights reserved.

Note: In loving memory of former editor, poet, and one of the kindest souls ever to touch our lives: RJ Corradino (We miss your presence and support.)

Author’s Bio:

The late RJ Corradino was a dreamy young man who wrote wonderful poetry, prose, and personal essays. Some of his work (and information on the books in which its published) can be found on his Web site, The Psychedelic Rose.

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